A Year Ago Today...

It’s been a while since I’ve written an emotional post…so grab a tissue, and a cup of coffee too…this one’s gonna be a long one!


January 19, 2010 was a memorable day for us. We decided on this date, after much prayer, to select Russia as the country we were going to adopt from. (You can go back and look at our beginning posts to see how we “decided” Russia if you really want to know the details!) We were so excited to be able to take a huge step forward in our journey to parenthood.

January 19, 2010 was also a memorable day for our son, but not in nearly the same exciting way. On this day, a year ago, our son was brought to the orphanage he lived in until we were able to bring him home with us almost a year later (coincidence with that timing? I think NOT! …according to Jer. 29:11!). On this day, our son was not feeling excited…in fact, I don’t know what he was feeling for sure, but I do know, it probably included feeling scared, anxious, and confused. I can’t even imagine how any of the 1 year olds I know would react if they were taken from the only home and family they knew, and placed in a new setting where no one held them close or spoke loving, assuring words to them. In fact, the very act of me sitting here trying to picture how that day played out for him, and how he must have felt, is giving me a perspective I should already have had, and one I need…deep empathy and compassion for my boy…and a heavy burden for all the other babies and children who are still living without families.

As I sit here today, pondering January 19, 2010, I am no longer thinking of the start of our adoption process, I am thinking of the start of a life our boy began in an orphanage, away from anything familiar to him. Looking back, one of the things I think that we did right during that time was pray for Landon…we didn’t know who he was, or if our child going to be a girl or a boy, but we prayed for “our child’s” health…mentally, emotionally, and physically. We prayed that even though we couldn’t be with him during those times, that he would feel our love, and most importantly, God’s love for him. As I think about this, I also can’t help but think, Why? Why couldn’t God have just spared him the pain in his early life and just sent him directly to us? We will never know, but, maybe, just maybe, it is so that we all can learn to appreciate the family we have, and to pray for and to help those who are without someone to love them. I know I will never think of orphans or adoption the same as I do now….a year ago today. So much has changed in just a year…and so much is still changing, and I don’t mean in our lives here at home, I mean in my heart.

Speaking of change, we have now turned the calendar page to January 19, 2011. Now this date brings joy to my heart, and a smile to my face. This date marks 1 month (30 days to be exact) since Landon has NOT lived in an orphanage. And, wow, what a difference a month can make! I immediately picture Landon babbling loudly as he runs from one room in our house to the next, calling for Dakota, or Greg, or I, and just having the chance to be a normal 2 year old! I picture his little lips pursed together, chin out, looking for a kiss. I picture Landon running as fast as he can into his daddy’s arms to hug him…or tackle him as they love to do to each other. And, I think how fast he has learned to understand English- holy cow! There isn’t a command I have said to the boy that I don’t think he has followed… “put your jammies in the hamper,” “let’s put your stool back,” “give Dakota a kiss,” and the list could go on and on! And, I think of the tantrums he has when being told “NO.” Yes, this adorable boy can throw a tantrum! And, from what I have heard, it is a typical 2 year old “thing.”

Speaking of those tantrums, however, I have to admit, they tend to make me frustrated, and even mad at times. I go from feeling stubborn (I’m not going to give in, and give him what he wants!) to guilty (how could I be frustrated so soon? How long have I prayed for this child?!?) to helpless (God, help!). I pray that I remember how much change Landon has gone through in less than a year the next time he is kicking and screaming, and hitting (yes, hitting) me. I pray that I don’t feel angry, but that I feel love. I want to be a mom who disciplines with love in her heart, not anger. A childhood song comes to mind here…”He’s Still Working on Me” I remember vividly sitting in Kindergarten behind my teacher, at the piano bench, singing the words, “He’s Still Working on Me, to make me what I ought to be. It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth, and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient He must be, He’s still working on me.” Thank you, Lord, for being so patient with me, and for teaching me how you must feel at times when I reject what You are telling me to do. And, thank you, Lord, that the tantrums seem to be less and less frequent!

I know I just wrote a book here in this one post alone, but I needed that…I needed to look back. Sometimes it is good to look back, to see where you’ve (or your child’s) been, and to realize how far you’ve (or they’ve) come…it helps give you the persistence and patience to keep on keeping on!

We are off to CHOP today! I am praying our next post has some good results to share!

 

January 19, 2010 - Database Picture

 

 

January 19, 2011