Beauty From Pain

What a new meaning to an "old" familiar song! Oh how our lives have changed in the past year! Last October, we traveled to Russia, and met Landon on October 5th. In one sense it seems like yesterday, and in another, we feel like we have known and loved him forever!

It's amazing how hearing a song can really take you back. A few weekends ago, on our way out with the boys to Kentucy for my sister in law's wedding, a song played over my MP3 player that I hadn't heard in a long time. It was the song titled, "Beauty From Pain", by SuperChick. Two years ago, this was a song that I played over and over again, crying and praying to God, begging him to show me some form of beauty that was to come from the pain I was experiencing at that time: the pain of unsuccessful tries to get pregnant and the pain of a miscarriage. I was in a very sad place two summers ago.

This is the chorus and some of the lyrics that I had sung over and over as reassurance to myself, and as a prayer:

I wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

You will bring beauty from my pain

Now, TWO years and TWO boys later (still jaw dropped myself!) I hear this song and cry very thankful, happy tears and think- God, you ARE faithful! When I had NO idea where my pain was leading, You did! You had such a happy ending already laid out for us- an ending I could have never dreamed of! I can now look back and truly say I am thankful for that pain, and thankful for those failed attempts, because if not for them, we would not be the parents of our precious boys.

Mother Son Date Night at Chick-Fil-A!

With Greg away on training all week, I took advantage of a chance to go to Chick Fil A with my two boys on a date. A few times a year they offer special activities for families, and this was our first chance to participate!  They were hosting a Mother & Son Date Night- Midieval Times Theme.

Nothing prepared me for what I saw in the parking lot when I pulled in- a horse drawn carriage ride to and from the restaurant! I immediately teared up thinking of how special it was to be able to go on a date with my boys. These moments bring back those raw feelings of "wow, I'm finally a mom! and I can't believe it- I have 2 boys!" I don't know if that feeling will ever fully go away.

Here are a few pictures of our special night together!

First buggy ride for Landon and Ethan!

(maybe me too, haha! I can't remember ever being on one before!)

Every mom and son received a complimentary take home picture in a magnet frame to take home with them. My grandparents and Aunt Wawa took Ethan to another area of the restaurant so I could enjoy my date with Landon...with 2 hands!

At our table! Landon was given a foam sword - YIKES! Let's just say I got hit in the head more than a few times during our date, and the sword had to be put in time out. :(

They had little shields for the boys to color in with markers!

And yummy food served by a wait staff on plates!

What an upgrade from fast food service! :)

Ethan enjoying (haha) his carriage ride back to our car

I have to add here that on Saturday Ethan was 2 months old!

Give a boy a sword...and watch out!

I later texted Greg that my knight in shining armor gave me a single rose and whacked me with his foam sword all in the same date! We both enjoyed a chuckle over that one. Thank God I have many more years to work on teaching him better dating manners!

Landon, obviously, enjoying his ride back!

And, what a treat! Our ride back was with Aunt WaWa!! She held Ethan for me while Landon and I ate dinner. I don't know who adores her more- me or the boys!! :)

What a fun, special night!  Thank you, Chick Fil A!!

Referral Anniversary

My how time has flown! Last Wednesday, September 21, marked one year since receiving the exciting phone call about Landon. I'll never forget how I felt hearing Cindy, our social worker, tell me "It's a boy!" That day we really did not know much about our boy. We knew he was born in December of 2008, and that we needed to be in Russia less than 2 weeks. We didn't have pictures, we didn't have health information...we didn't know much! A few days later, we received his medical information, and our faith was tested.  I'll never forget how scary the medical inforamtion was, and how torn I was over how to proceed. My heart said, "How could we ever turn down a child!" And, my head was saying, "Just be careful!" A few days after receiving the information, we were sent a video clip of our boy. The moment I saw him, I had no doubt in my mind, HE IS OUR SON! I no longer cared what the medical information was, I just knew we would do what we needed to bring him home! Here is a still image clip from the video we received a year ago this week!

Sept. 27, 2010

September 24, 2011

What a stud!! I can't wait to post more...this picture was from Aunt Jill an Uncle Drew's wedding this past weekend in Kentucky. Landon was their ring bearer!!



7 Week Picture Update

I really wish I had more energy to blog right now, but I am tired and need to take this opportunity to go to sleep, so for now, I will just update you with a few pictures.

Our Lil'est Eagles fan!

If only you could hear the adorable coo that went along with this face! I literally sat him up on my legs and held my camera phone up and just kept taking picture after picture! I can't help it- he makes such cute faces!!

Tail end of a laugh

Mom, how many times do I have to smile? Isn't this smirk good enough?

See, all this excitement, and I spit up!

Let's not forget about this cutie pie! I snatched this shot right after we got back from our first night at cubbies! I have a few more that I need to upload from my regular camera. ...next time!

But, I have to say, Landon did a very nice job saying his first section: "God loves me." (Well, sort of- he said the section, but all he would say is God (then pause for his leader, Miss Kelsey, to say "loves") and then he would shout, "ME!" When I tried to get him to say "loves" he says, "No, Mom, Kelsey say it!" What a kid!

And, last, here is yet another adorable big/little brother picture. I apologize for the huge eye- Landon woke up that morning with a swollen eye from a bug bite. :(

That's all for now, folks! Bedtime for Mama!

But...Hopefully this week when I have a little more time (haha!) I can upload two videos I have taken today that are just too cute! Landon has learned to count to 12...I know, not the traditional 10. We have 12 steps in our house, so hence the 12. :) And, the other is a hilarious video that I took at the request of my DIL as I call him (Dad in law) - the inside of Ethan's suckie that's sure to make you laugh!

The Good & The Bad; The Cute & The Ugly

The Good and the Bad: Greg started a new shift at work- 1PM-11PM.  It will be much easier on the boys when I go back to work, but a little bit more difficult for me at night managing bedtime all by myself...at least until Ethan grows out of his "bewitching" hour as the Dr. called it (colic?).  When I go back to work on October 17th, Landon and Ethan will be spending every Monday with Greg (all day!) and Tues-Fri they will go to my friend Kristens' (same as last year) from noon-3:30/4:00 when I pick them up from school. I love that they will only be out of the house a few hours each day, and that they will be getting some good time in with their Daddy. It is a little tough in the meantime because from around 6-9/10 or so, Ethan is VERY fussy. Even when I hold him, he isn't content. In order to calm him, I usually have to do a combination of swaying, rocking, bouncing...which is kind of tough to do when giving Landon a bath, reading bedtime stories, etc. Some nights are better than others (tonight is a GOOD night!). Last night- not so good. I was close to tears myself. I had to put Ethan in his crib to cry a few times so that I could devote time to bathing Landon and reading stories without having him scream in our ears. After putting Landon down to bed (I tried to go as fast as I could...probably ten minutes at most), I picked up Ethan, explaining to Landon that it was Ethan's turn for mommy. I tried explaining that I am only 1 mommy and that I have 2 boys, and that I needed to take turns with them. Landon seemed to get it for about 2 minutes. Then he hopped out of bed, and reached his arms up to me in the hallway as I was doing my bouncing routine with Ethan, and started crying, "Landon, Mommy, 2 boys" AH! This was the point at which I almost had my own meltdown. But, not all nights are that bad. Tonight, I am actually blogging, while Ethan AND Landon are sleeping- what a treat!

The Cute: Landon just loves being my little helper. Anything I show him how to do, he does! He has a little wheelbarrow that I believe used to be his Uncle Chris'. He wanted to help me take out the recycles one day in it. Ever since that day, it is his "job" to take them all out on his own! I'll let the pictures speak for themselves!

The Ugly: I was changing Ethan's diaper when Landon just got a little too silent in the other room. I began calling him, and he didn't answer. I didn't panic, because he does this a lot...so I knew he was just into something he shouldn't be. (Garden of Eden -like?) Well, to my surprise and gross disbelief, I walked in after finishing with Ethan to find that all 3 of our toothbrushes were being used to clean the sink...AND the toilet- GROSS!!!! So, I very sternly told Landon that that is NOT what we do with toothbrushes, etc., threw them in the trash because they were dirty, and put him in time out. Fast forward to later that night. I take Landon in to brush his teeth only to find that all the toothbrushes are missing. So, I ask Landon, "Where are the toothbrushes?" He says, "Trash, mom, dirty!" What? We don't throw our new toothbrushes in the trash! Only mommies and daddies get to throw toothbrushes away. Sigh.... Looking back, this is completely hilarious- at the moment with Ethan screaming in the background waiting on me, not so much.

The Cute (Part 2): Ethan is starting to make the cutest sounds and faces! Here are two pictures I captured on my phone!

He is also getting so big! When I took him for his 1 month appointment, he was 8 lbs, 13 oz (up from 5 lbs, 15 oz at his 2 day old visit!) which puts him at the 30%, and he is now 22 inches long, up from the 19" that they measured him at that 2 day visit which puts him over 100% for height! We are going to have one tall, skinny boy! :)

Landon is doing phenomenal in the potty training department. We rarely have accidents. In fact, last night was the first night that he went all night in big boy undies without any accidents! We had been only putting diapers on at night, and for almost 2 weeks it was dry every morning, so I just HAD to try it. The first night- 2 nights ago- he woke up at 3 AM saying "wet" and he had started to go, but thankfully went mostly in the potty. Then, last night, DRY! Woohoo!!!  Landon's speech is also picking up...for the good and the bad! He is putting 3-4 words together at a time now. My favorite is when we are in the car, and he points out things around us, "Big Digger, Mommy!" or "Look! Big boat!" or... "(insert Landon's version of a siren sound here) Daddy lights, mom!" The bad I'm speaking of is when I put him in his time out chair in the kitchen, and he hops down. I then say, "You better get back up in your chair, or you will have a longer time out." To which he shouts, "No longer time out!" I guess the talking or shouting back has begun.  :(

One of the other neat things to see Landon learn to do is to finish sentences/pages in books that we read. I have begun to pause at the end of each line of the page to see if Landon can remember the rhyming word. To my surprise- he knows the words! He constantly amazes me! Being a teacher, I happen to take a special interest...okay, maybe it's a little beyond that. I tend to love to the point of getting giddy seeing a kid learn. And, being a mom, well, let's just say that you get to see A LOT of that! It warms my heart, and makes for a lot of smiles!  ...especially when that learning has to do with READING! :0)

Okay, Ethan is due for his bottle in about 10 minutes, so I'm going to call it a wrap for the night! I'll leave you with two updated pictures of my two boys together- LOVE THEM!

The Daily Grind

This post is mostly boring, hence the title "The Daily Grind," but does have some hysterical moments, so don't fall asleep on me!

Last Sunday Ethan turned 1 month old! Wow, where did the past month go?!? We decided it was a good day to go to church for the first time as a family of 4. We didn't make it in time for Sunday School, but were a little early for church! It was SO nice to see our church family and worship together. I decided to keep Ethan with us in the pew (he's a quiet baby in the morning...not so much at night- more on that later). I don't think I'll be ready to leave him, and I've also been advised not to, in the nursery for some time, and I really wanted to be a part of the service. He did great! We even had an unexpected "Lion King" moment. Our pastor decided to point out that one of our first time visitors was not raising their hands...Ethan! So, he jokingly said I should hold him up so everyone could see him (we sit in the front...you know how church goes....we have "assigned" spots), I don't know why, but I did! I just stuck him up in the air, just like Mufasa did to Simba. :) I didn't see the similarity until after the service when a few people pointed out our Lion King moment. From my perspective, I just didn't want to stand up and turn around in front of everyone- either way, a memorable moment. :)  After church, we stopped at Wendy's with Greg's parents for a quick bite to eat, then headed to Greg's Mommom's assisted living home to enjoy cake for her birthday. We were able to get a secluded small room off to the side of the main area so we didn't expose Ethan to too many germs- we hope. :)  I just love how comfortable Landon is at Collingswood Manor- he says "hi" to all the wheelchair bound elderly and makes them smile, which in turn, makes me smile. He also loves his Grammy. When we left, she leaned down to kiss his cheek, and he said, "2 cheeks, Grammy!" - love it! He wanted another kiss on his other cheek! We were walking through the lobby at one point, and at the landing on the stairwell there was a picture of Jesus- a profile painting. Landon pointed up at it, and said, "Look Ma, Jar Jar!" Now, if you don't know who Jar Jar is, he is a Star Wars character. Let me share the side by side shots here...and you can be the judge! ...Lol!

Monday was Greg's first day back to work, and I'm learning to manage our toddler and infant all by myself. There are a few moments where it gets really hairy, but most of the time, it's not bad at all.  Greg works 12 hour shifts, which are really like 14 hours because he always goes in a little early, and almost never gets home on time. So, this month, we are on our own from about 5:30 AM (when I'm usually about to give Ethan his bottle, to about 7:00 PM when we are eating a late dinner so Daddy can join us.  Next month he will be on nights, so we will be on our own from 6:30 PM to about 8:00 AM- then we will have to adjust our routine to include a quiet house so Greg can sleep- yikes! Not so sure about that part!

I've tried to keep us busy this week, and give us at least 1 place to go each day so I don't go crazy keeping Landon occupied (that's where I sometimes feel bad) and enjoy these beautiful 80 degree days. On Monday, we pretty much stayed home all day. During nap time, I actually succeeded in organizing most of the hand me downs I had been given into their sizes. I had enough to fill a 5 gallon container for just about every size! By late afternoon, I decided I had the guts to venture out with both boys to Walmart to buy some containers to store the clothes and organize our basement better. Well, first trip to the store- not so bad! I did learn a lesson- you can't really fit too much in the cart when you have both kiddos.

Tuesday morning I took both boys to a park to walk with Shannon. Prior to Ethan's arrival, we would meet at the park with the kids to run. I'd put Landon in the jogging stroller while her oldest would ride her bike in front of us, and her youngest would be in a jogging stroller. Ethan has complicated things a little. First of all, I don't have the energy to run in the morning anymore after the middle of the night feedings, and secondly, I can't run with him yet. So, we decided to put Landon in the stroller and Ethan in the Bjourn carrier and just walk. I was happily surpirsed at how tiring that was! When Greg is working, that will have to be my new form of exercise.  Tuesday was also the day of the earthquake! My sister had just come over for an hour so I could get a shower...yes, that's been a little difficult. :) She was playing with Landon in the living room, staring wide eyed at all the shaking picture frames and walls, while I was towel drying my hair, noticing my medicine cabinet doors opening and closing on their own, thinking...."I'm not shaking my head that much, am I?" ...nope- an earthquake!

Landon and Aunt Sue before the earthquake

Wednesday Greg had off work, so we spent a quiet morning at home, and then Greg took Landon to the Phillies game in the afternoon. It was a nice reprieve for me to just have Ethan, and Landon and Greg got to spend some good Father/Son time together. They even got to see the Harry Kalas statue too!

Thursday Greg took some overtime, so I scheduled a play date with my friend (also Landon and Ethan's babysitter when I go back to work) Kristen. The kids had a great time! And, it was good for Landon to run around with her daughter burning off all his energy. After we came home from our play date, we got some house cleaning in while Ethan was napping! Before you look at this picture and judge me for child labor, please know that Landon BEGS to clean. If you don't believe me, you can ask my mom, Greg's mom, or a friend or two who have been on the phone with me, or present, while Landon is tugging on my arm, saying, "Mom, "DACUU (vaccum)" or "DUS (dust)" please! And guess what, I'm going with it! I could use the help! :)

Friday was a very fun day! We decided to get in an outdoor zoo day before Hurricane Irene makes her appearance late tonight into tomorrow. We went with my friend Shannon and her 2 girls. After the zoo, she so kindly offered to stay at my house with the kids so I could grocery shop before the storm...without the 2 boys in the cart. What a great friend! She and I also did dinner together since our hubbies were not home. What a fun day!!

Today and tomorrow we will be home all day while Greg works, and the weather makes its way here. I'm actually looking forward to being home since we were out so much this week.

Off to finish securing the trash cans and sandbox before the bad weather starts!

Baby Ethan at 4 Weeks!

He Chose Me...

I've been thinking a lot about orphans lately. They are on my heart. Last October when we had to come home and leave Landon behind in the baby home where he was living, I was heartbroken in a way I had never known before. And, at that time I thought that my heart was breaking for him, and that as soon as we brought him home, I would "be all better." But, instead, what I have discovered is that my heart is still broken for all who are anywhere without a mom or a dad, a family to love them and to meet their needs. If I could go to a foreign country and fall in love with one boy and name him my son, then I could go anywhere (or stay anywhere...as we found with Ethan) and love a child and call them mine.  But, my heart hurts because there are so many orphans worldwide, the problem seems impossible. But, I know "With God, all things ARE possible." And, I've come to realize that orphans are a chance for God to work through His people and to see His love. I know in my heart, God in His power could give every child what they need, but instead He chooses to use us. 

One of the blogs I follow is that of a young woman, Kate Davis, who is 21 years old, and chose to just pick up her life, and head to Uganda where she would help serve food at a loccal school. Now, she has 14 girls that she is the mother of...yes, that's right- 14! When I was researching Orphan Sunday (more on that in a future blog post), I found a You Tube video of her. And, in that video, she said something that will stick with me forever. "Thank you God, for the opportunity to serve you. You could do it by Yourself, take care of these kids, but instead, You chose little old me to help take care of them."

WOW. That's exactly right- what a gift, and what an awesome responsibility I have been given to care for my two boys. Thank you, God for choosing me!