Difficult Day

Wednesday was a really difficult day for us. We had to make the hard decision to put our dog, Dakota down. She had been our family pet, our first baby, for 9 years. Those years were filled with wonderful memories. She will always be remembered for her gentle, loving personality. Last year, right before Ethan was born, Dakota tore her ACL and needed it repaired. About 6 months later, she had a spinal blockage which caused her to have an immobile hip joint in her "good" back leg. Looking even further back, she has survived 2 surgeries to remove cancerous tumors (right before we went to Russia in December to bring Landon home), and even further back, survived being hit by a car, and an attack from another dog who had rabies. What a tough girl we had.

About a month ago, I noticed Dakota was less and less herself. She was laying around even more, and just didn't seem herself. I knew in my heart of hearts we were in our last days. I didn't know it would be so soon, but I'm glad she is no longer suffering. About 2 weeks ago, she got sick a few times in the middle of the night. We took her to the vet, who took x-rays (ruled out bone cancer), and did bloodwork. The bloodwork came back that her potassium levels were really off, so they wanted to do another test a few days later to see if she had Addison's or Cushings disease. If this was the case, a daily dose of medicine would hopefully restore her to her happy, mobile self again.

The night after her test for that, this past Tuesday night, she had a REALLY bad night. She cried all night long, pawing at our bed wanting us to be up with her. She was also drooling really bad. She kept leading us to the back door to go out. She also laid down in both boys rooms during her last night. She even pushed Ethan's door open to lay by his crib at one point. Looking back, I wonder if she knew, and she was saying her good-byes. :(   Everytime we let her out, she would go to the side of the back yard and start digging (I didn't even think she could dig...she could barely get up and down!). I said to Greg, I really think she is trying to dig a place for her to lay down to die. I know it sounds bad, but I knew it. It was awful. We laid with her in the living room for a little, but she just wanted to be outside. By 4 a.m., we ended up letting her sleep in the sunroom and left the door to the house open in case she wanted to come back in. By 8 I called the vet, and told them she was really not doing well. I coaxed her back into the house, but she laid in the hall and didn't get up at all. Did I mention she turned down my offer of food in the middle of the night? That never has happened before. The vet offered to take her for observation for a few hours (we had dentist apts scheduled for ourselves and Landon that had taken months to get a date for...) while we went to the dentist. They called about an hour into our visit to let us know they couldn't get a blood pressure read, and that her paws were getting cold. We were losing our girl. We went as soon as we could back to the vet, having made the difficult decision to end her suffering. I didn't know how much longer she would take to go on her own, and couldn't bare to see her like this.

To say it was an emotional parting is an understatement. Dakota was my first real pet, and she was like a child to us. I remember laying with her in our bed, upset after receiving bad news, thinking she may be the only baby we would have. She was there...always there. So snuggly, so loving, so loyal. When we first got her, I was so afraid of dogs. I had never had one, and I had gotten bit when I was a chlid, so when Greg started looking at boxer/pit bull mixes I was scared. But, what a gentle giant she was. We spent Wednesday night together going through old pictures on the computer and smiling at all the memories. It felt really good to do that. Landon asks for her every now and again, and has said he "wants his doggie back" and "he misses Dakota." Which is so hard. She was SO good with the boys. She tolerated Landon's crazy saber fights that sometimes she got caught in the middle of, and let Ethan literally crawl over her and play in her food bowl while she was trying to eat. Talk about a good girl! We miss her so much, but are so grateful for the 9 years that we got to share in her love, and thankful she didn't have any drawn out suffering. One long, bad night was long enough. We love you, Dakota!

Taken in early 2004

(we got her in July 2003, and she was approx 3 months old at the time we adopted her)

2007

2010

January 2011 -right after Landon came home

4 weeks after Landon came home

Last summer

February 2012

July 2012

The boys and Dakota just a few weeks ago...

I should have NEVER googled Dog Loss Poems. But, I did. Ugh! And, I came across this one. I hope she understood that our decision was made out of love. 

You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.

But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.

So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic, that will
Once more make me whole.

The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.

That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner 'til the end.

Please, understand just what this gift,
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.

You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it too.

So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To now grant me this appeal.

Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.

And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.

I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll run,
...a young dog once again.


Sorry for the emotional post. I know sometimes journaling our thoughts and emotions can help heal our hearts. Thanks for bearing with me.... I promise, my next post will not be so sad. We have lots of summer fun to catch up on...